Post by Mike Jones on Jul 14, 2006 2:52:57 GMT -5
7/10 WNC BeatDown Results!
(The WNC logo appears and fades.)
(The WNC video plays as System of A Down’s Revenga plays. The video stops and we cut live into the sold out Rexall Place as Pump It by the Black Eyed Peas plays. We circle the arena which is sold out and every fan has been given a pom-pom.)
TM: Ladies and Gentleman! We welcome you live to the sold out Rexall Place here in Edmonton, Alberta Canada and these fans went crazy during the Stanley Cup Playoffs and they’re going crazy again here tonight!
King: And they should be! We have a HUGE six man tag Main Event as Pyro, West Coast Wonder and the Saint Kid Omen team up to face Mr. Reality and the tag champs Natural and the Destroyer!
TM: Plus tonight we find out which stipulation Matt Ackerman has chosen for his title defence at the WNC’s Summer Blast!
(Set It Off Tweeker Mix by P.O.D. hits to a MASSIVE OVATION!)
TM: AND HERE COMES THE HOME TOWN BOY!
DING DING DING!
The following tag team match is scheduled for one fall and is to determine the number one contenders. Introducing first from EDMONTON, ALBERTA, CANADA, weighing 245 pounds, JESSE!
(Crowd pops more as Jesse comes out wearing an Oilers jersey! He gets in the ring and removes the jersey and throws it into the ground before grabbing a microphone.)
Jesse: Yeah! It’s great to be back home, baby!
(Crowd pops!)
Jesse: Oh you’re damn right. Moments like this make me wonder WHAT THE HELL WAS LAUREN PRONGER THINKING?
(Crowd boo’s loudly!)
Jesse: Anyways, please give it up for my buddy and tag team partner, HOT STUFF EDDIE G!
BRRINGGGGGGGG!
CAN YOU FEEL THE HEAAT!
(Hot Stuff by Unknown Latin Band plays to a huge pop!)
And from Melbourne, Australia, by way of Mexico, Hot Stuff Eddie G!
Eddie: Orale, Jesse, holmes! It’s good to be back in your home town, ese. There’s some fine mamacita’s here!
(Crowd pops!)
Eddie: Yeah I saw all them girls flashing their boobies on Whyte Ave on the internet!
(Crowd pops again!)
Eddie: Damn, some fine mamacita’s!
Jesse: Yeah Eddie and ya know what’s even better than that?
Eddie: What?
(Suddenly, Fixation on the Darkness by Killswitch Engage hits to huge heat!
And their opponents, at a combined weight of 825 pounds, Mike Becker and Paul Bunyan!
(Becker comes out wearing an Anaheim Mighty Ducks jersey with Pronger on the back and the fans go insane with boos!)
TM: Now what the hell is he thinking!
DING DING DING!
Eddie G and Becker will start. Eddie goes for a clothesline but Becker ducks and walks into a stiff right from Bunyan as Becker taunts.
TM: The fans here are livid!
(The fans rotate back and forth between chanting “F—k You Pronger” and “Becker sucks!”)
Becker gives the fans the finger which causes even more boos. Becker stomping away on Eddie! Snap Suplex! Becker taunts and goes to tag in Bunyan but before he can Eddie grabs his foot and yanks him back! Eddie with a Snap suplex of his own! Eddie tags in Jesse and the crowd pops huge! Jesse goes up to Becker and decks him and then rips the jersey off of his back as the fans cheer insanely loud!
TM: The fans are loving this!
Jesse continues to stomp away on Becker. Jesse backs up and Eddie runs in and clobbers Becker. The referee restrains Eddie! Wait a minute! Bunyan just cracked Jesse with the Hardcore Title! NO! Becker with the cover! One! Two! Three!
DING DING DING!
Here are your winners, the team of Mike Becker and Paul Bunyan!
(Crowd boo’s loudly as the two men hurry to the back. Some fans throw litter in their direction as we head to commercial.)
(We come back from commercial and System of a Down’s Revenga is playing as we circle the arena. We see signs like: Reality Check- New World Champion! The Saint Has Spoken! Canada’s Best City! WNC pwns Male Cheerleaders! The Lucha Legend! Edmonton Loves Pyro! The Countdown is On! Chris Pronger- The New Mr. Natural! Heel Section! Wrestling God Sucks! Becker Sold Out! HAHA BOB PINNED COMPTON! Bob rocks! I love WCW! Marry me Matt Ackerman! Luchara is hot! Kenua #1! Bring Back Marvel! Gary Lang stole my strait jacket! Eddie stole my car! Go Oilers Go! I thought I was here for Dora the Explorer! I bought my tickets from Eddie G! Cena 54 sucks! We Want Zombies! FTW= Freaky Transvestite Whores! Eddie G sold me tacos! Deport Hannah Harper! Where’s the Man in the dress? I came to see Kid Omen! Pyro: Feel the Flame! Bunyan Needs Atkins! Buck Fecker! WG=Ass Clown! Bob is Rated R for Retarded! Oops I stepped on Bob! Dimes sucks! Big Smoke is my dealer! Buzzed Bunny owes me money! Ricky bought me smokes! I snuck in! I’d rather be playing World of Warcraft! Hey Natural SHUT UP! Boo! Wooooooooooo! Dead Man Walking: Mike Becker!)
(We head backstage and Mr. Natural and the Destroyer are backstage with Hannah Harper and Savannah!)
Natural: Oh God! Looks now we get to fight Becker and Bunyan! Oh no I’m scared! What are they gonna do sit on us!
Destroyer: Yeah I know!
Natural: (Peering off screen.) What the hell is that?
(Camera pans out and we reveal a few fans leaning against the wall presumably waiting for something. One of them, a pre-teen boy approaches Natural.)
Boy: Hey, can I have your autograph?
Natural: What the hell are you guys doing back here?
(A 14-15 year old girl pipes in.)
Girl: We’re here to meet West Coast Wonder for an autograph signing! We won a radio contest!
Natural: Really? You do know he’s a fraud don’t you?
(Suddenly Natural realizes something else.)
Natural: Hey boy!
(Natural shoves the pre-teen boy aside and approaches another one probably around 10 or 11.)
Natural: What the hell is that around your neck?
Boy: Oh this! This is the brand new Kid Omen the Saint Pendant!
Natural: Kid Omen? Are you f**king kidding me? What a joke!
(Suddenly Natural grabs the pendant and rips it off the kids neck and throws it behind him. The kid appears to start to cry as we head back to ringside.)
TM: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT?
King: Come on, he’s just a kid! Who cares if he likes Kid Omen? That was completely uncalled for!
(Bob Marley’s Hold You Down hits to huge heat!)
TM: Now wait a minute! What the hell is this?
King: Well it’s obviously that arrogant jerk Wrestling God!
TM: Yeah but he’s not scheduled here tonight!
(WG comes out in a suit with a microphone and stands on the side of the stage.)
Wrestling God: Haha! Hello to all of my adoring fans in Calgary!
(Crowd boos!)
WG: I came out here tonight, not only so you could see your favorite WNC superstar. But also so you could see the man who is going to beat the high holy hell out of Y2J Chris Jericho at Summer Blast!
(Crowd pops at the mention of Jericho’s name!)
WG: Yeah. You see Jericho might think he’s got the advantage, but he doesn’t! History has shown that when two men or two groups of people square off, it’s always been the better of the two who comes out on top. When Ali and Fraser fought, the better man prevailed. Fraser lost to a better man. When the British fought the French, the French lost to a better army. And this year in the Stanley Cup, the Oilers lost to a better team!
(Crowd boo’s loudly as WG laughs!)
King: (Laughs.) He just had to go there didn’t he?
WG: And at the WNC’s Summer Blast! Chris Jericho will lose to a better man, and that man is me, the Wrestling God! Because I am What I say I am, and I am a…..What the hell?
(WG looks down into the crowd near the stage.)
WG: I thought I told you sons of bitches to stay out here!
(We pan to the crowd and a few people are confused.)
TM: Is that Sean Delson? The bass player for Fozzy?
King: Uh-Oh. I think it is?
WG: Well, well, well. Look who Chris sent this time. If it isn’t Sean Delson from the band Fozzy!
(Crowd cheers as Sean briefly acknowledges them with a small wave.)
Sean: (Inaudibly.) Hey man. I’m just here visiting some relatives.
WG: Oh really? Is that so?
TM: Oh come on now!
(WG climbs down from the stage and goes towards Delson. He then grabs him by his shirt collar and flips him over the barricade! Several of his friends try to stop WG but he threatens to punch them and they back off! WG throws Delson hard against a steel railing. He then slams him through a door and the two men crash into the backstage area as we go to a commercial.)
(We come back from commercials and Sheena Michaels and Ally Rogers are comparing outfits as both are in their underwear. Suddenly the door crashes open as Sean Delson comes flying through it! Both girls scream and run off as WG comes in to retrieve Delson’s lifeless body! WG puts him in a headlock and begins to yell at him. A close-up reveals Delson has been busted open!)
TM: My God! I know WG is trying to send a message to Jericho but this is ridiculous!
WG: You see this Jericho! If you know what’s good for you, you will tell your stupid little friends to stay the hell away from me!
(We head elsewhere and Mr. Natural is in the concourse taunting people in the concession line up. He takes a child’s ice cream and slams it on the floor. His father tries to protest but Natural shoves him back and dumps a bag of popcorn on him! Natural walks up to a 13 year old boy waiting in line and notices he is wearing the new Pyro: Feel The Flame t-shirt.)
Natural: Hey kid. You like Pyro?
Kid: Um, well yeah kinda. He’s pretty cool. But I like you a lot more.
TM: (Muttering) Smart kid.
Natural: Really? Well then why are you wearing a Pyro shirt.
Kid: Um, umm yours were sold out.
Natural: Really? How come I don’t believe you?
Kid: Okay, I just knew my mom wouldn’t let me get it because it said FTW on the shirt.
Natural: Aww, isn’t that too bad. Kid, are you a momma’s boy? Answer me damn it! Are you a momma’s boy?
Kid: Um, no. But….
Natural: But nothing. You go home and you tell your mama to shove it if she doesn’t like it!
Kid: But my mom is cool!
Natural: I don’t give a damn. But since you like pyro so much, watch this!
(Natural pulls out a firecracker and lights it and drops it on the floor. The kid jumps back in fear as it explodes.)
Natural: There’s your pyro for ya!
(Suddenly three security guards come up to Mr. Natural.)
Guard: Excuse me, sir. It’s time for you to leave.
Natural: Aww, shucks. Come on, I was just starting to have fun.
Guard 2: Now!
Natural: Alright….
(Natural grabs a beer out of someone’s hand and throws it at the two guards. He then kicks the third one in the nuts before taking off down the stairs!)
TM: HOW THE HELL DOES THIS MAN HAVE A JOB?
King: I have no idea TM! What he does just disgusts me!
TM: But folks on a ligher note, coming up next, we will hear from the WNC Champion Matt Ackerman!
(We head backstage and Jesse and Kenua are backstage.)
Jesse: So what’s the deal with Luchara. Is her aunt okay?
Kenua: She is for now. They’re not sure what’s wrong with her. I dunno. Luchara always seems so happy but if I mention her Aunt she just shuts up completely.
Jesse: I dunno man. Maybe you should give her some space.
Kenua: Yeah I know.
(Luchara runs into the room, looking as if she has been crying.)
Kenua: What’s wrong?
Luchara: That was my mother. My aunt just died.
Jesse: Oh my God!
Kenua: Oh no, I’m sorry.
Luchara: The funeral’s tomorrow but the last flight leaves in an hour.
Kenua: Well, I’d better take you then.
Jesse: No, no. You’ve got a match against Countdown tonight.
Kenua: Screw the match! Can’t you see this is more important than wrestling!
Jesse: Look man, I’ll take her! I’ve lived here my whole life. I know this town like the back of my hand. You go and have your match and I’ll get her to the airport in no time.
Luchara: Really? Thank you so much.
Kenua: You’d do that for me.
Jesse: Absolutely. Man, you’re my best friend. But we’d better get going.
Kenua: Okay, I’ll see you soon honey.
Jesse: I’ll call you once we’re in the air.
Kenua: Okay.
(Jesse and Luchara leave the room. Suddenly a drunken Eddie G. bursts in with a bottle of champagne in one hand. He stumbles and nearly falls over a chair.)
Eddie: What’s up Kenua, holmes! Where’s Luchara?
Kenua: Her aunt just died. Jesse went to take her to the airport.
Eddie: I thought Jesse was gonna spend a few more days here visiting family and friends.
Kenua: Well yeah but she had to be there in like an hour.
Eddie: Pfft. Holmes, I could’ve driven her!
(Kenua rolls his eyes as Eddie nearly stumbles over the exact same chair and we head to commercial.)
(We come back from commercial and head back to ringside.)
TM: Folks we understand Jesse is now on the road attempting to get Luchara to the Edmonton International Airport in time for them to fly out for her Aunt’s funeral tomorrow. We would like to express our condolences to Luchara and her family.
King: Yeah, her boyfriend Kenua is staying behind as he has a non-title match with the Pure Champion Countdown.
TM: But folks earlier today, this was the scene on the “notorious” Whyte Avenue as the Buzzed Bunny, Big Smoke and Ricky went in search of some of the infamous “Blue Mile girls”.
(We cut to footage filmed at best in amateur fashion of Whyte Avenue from mid-afternoon. Buzzed Bunny and Big Smoke are in front of the camera.)
Big Smoke: Okay so during the NHL playoffs, there was like lots of rioting and girls showing their boobies and stuff here on Whyte Avenue. So we wanted to come down and see what all the fuss was about.
(We cut to Big Smoke interviewing a lady who is likely in her late 60’s, early 70s. She is standing near a fruit stand.)
Big Smoke: So what are you here for.
Lady: I am here for the farmer’s market. I’ve come here to find the best deals in the city on fresh fruit and vegetables.
Big Smoke: Were you here at all during the playoffs?
Lady: No. I don’t like hockey.
Big Smoke: But surely you were here showing your breasts to all the Oilers fans, right.
Lady: (Giggles.) No, no. I’m too old for that!
Big Smoke: Oh come on, you don’t look that old!
(We cut to an image of Buzzed Bunny in a bar. He is interviewing a well-dressed waiter.)
Bunny: Hey, I’m here at the Bar Wild on Whyte. And I’m talking to this man here. Now during the playoffs, did you get to see a lot of girl on girl action?
Waiter: Nah, I’m not really into that kinda thing.
Bunny: You don’t like girls?
Waiter: Well, no of course I like girls. But it’s just the partys got a little bit too wild for me.
Bunny: But you work at Bar Wild. Surely this was the place to be for scantilly-clad women kissing other scantily-clad women.
(Waiter ignores him and begins pouring a drink.)
Bunny: So what are you like into dudes. Cuz, I can like take off my shirt and ya know….
(Waiter laughs. Two bouncers come over and grab Bunny.)
Bouncer: You’re out, pal!
(The bouncers throw Bunny out on the street.)
(We cut to Ricky who has just walked into a guitar store. He is shirtless as always.)
Ricky: I know Bunny and Smoke are more into the boobies. But me, I’m here to get to the deeper side of the story. I’m here at Yamaha Guitars one of the many shops that was vandalized by so-called hooligans during the playoffs.
(The shop owner yells at Ricky.)
Owner: Hey you! I thought I told you once before! Put a shirt on or get the hell out of my store!
Ricky: Hey c’mon man, I’m on your side. I’m doing coverage on how you guys suffered.
Owner: OUT NOW!
(We cut to Buzzed Bunny who is standing outside next to an oddly dressed man.)
Bunny: Tell the people at home exactly what you’re doing here.
Man: Well, we’re here for the annual Street Performers Festival. We come from Kingston, Ontario. We’re here to display a variety of bizzare feats of humanity to the wonderful people of Edmonton.
Bunny: Just what kind of bizzare feats are we talking about here?
Man: Well, my partner here can put his leg behind his ear and hop on one leg. Jimmy, show him your one leg trick.
(Jimmy puts his leg behind his ear and hops around on one leg!)
Bunny: (To the first man.) Can I buy pot from you?
(We cut to Big Smoke who is standing outside of Chapter’s.)
Big Smoke: I’m standing outside the notorious Chapters. Yes indeed. This is the historical spot of such popular You Tube videos as Girls Attempt to Flash Boobs and get hit with Fireworks and Men Hanging from Power Lines get beer bottles thrown at them.
(Big Smoke approaches a policeman who has been riding his bike. He is taking a sip of water.)
Big Smoke: Excuse me, sir. In light of the recent Whyte Ave riots, shouldn’t there be more beefed-up security.
Cop: Believe me there was. Right now, it’s a Monday afternoon and people are enjoying the farmers market and the street performers festival. We have a few officers here but we don’t expect any problems.
Big Smoke: So you’re not expecting any hooligans to come and smash some windows right about now or anything.
Cops: No not really. Nothing to celebrate or riot about.
(Suddenly Ricky runs by in the background in his boxers with his pants around his legs screaming at the top of his lungs. Immediately, two leashed police dogs take him down as several cops crowd around him and arrest him.)
(Big Smoke and the cop on the bike exchange glances as we head back to the arena.)
(We go to a dressing room where Matt Ackerman is pacing back and forth. West Coast Wonder walks in.)
WCW: Hey Matt. What’s the matter?
NNN: Aww, nothing man. Ya know I just got this big decision to make about my title defense.
WCW: Man, don’t sweat it. You and I both know you can beat Mr. Reality in any kind of match.
NNN: I know. But you’d have to be an idiot to not realize that Charles Kennedy is trying to stack the odds against me. I have to be careful and not put myself in a position where I can get screwed.
WCW: I know what you mean man. But seriously, have you decided on a match yet?
NNN: I think I’ve made my mind up, yeah.
WCW: What kind of match is it? Just between you and me?
NNN: You’ll have to wait to find out……..(Ackerman turns to the camera and delivers a thumbs up.) After this commercial break!
(Ackerman leaves the room as WCW laughs.)
WCW: Good one Matt! Nice cliffhanger!
(We go to commercial as WCW continues to chuckle.)
(We come back from commercial and go to a news studio.)
Newsanchor: And finally, the stock market closed today down 0.13 points on the TSE. Now with a look at weather, here is Ally Rogers!
(We cut to a weather screen where a bikini-clad Ally Rogers is looking hot as ever.)
Ally Rogers: Thanks Tim. Well the forecast looks really hot! And I’m predicting a heat wave crossing all across North America. It’s something of a global phenomenom. It’s heating up the temperature wherever it goes. And it’s bring along with it some dangerous destruction.
(We then cut to WNC action as a voice-over kicks in.)
Voiceover: The WNC is coming to a city near you to heat things up.
Next Monday, it’s WNC BeatDown live from the E Center in Salt Lake City!
Then on July 24th we make our way to the Myriad Arena in Oklahoma City.
On July 27th, see your favorite WNC superstars up close and personal at the Hara Arena in Dayton, Ohio!
On July 31st, the WNC heads to the RBC Center in Raleigh, North Carolina!
And on August 13th, the WNC presents Summer Blast live from the American Airlines Arena in Miami, Flordia!
The WNC live and in person! Check out WNC.Com for more information!
(Cheery music kicks in as we go back to the anchorman.)
Anchorman: And up next, we’ll tell you how to make doing your taxes a much more enjoyable experience, right after this.
(System of A Down’s Revenga plays as we are outside and we scan the outer area of Rexall Place with the Gretzky Statue in the forefront which earns a big pop from the crowd.)
TM: Well folks we are live from the sold out Rexall Place in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada and what a night it has been.
King: Oh absolutely, and check out here at ringside. We have some members of last years Grey Cup Winners, the Edmonton Eskimos!
TM: Absolutely. The Eskimo’s came back from a tough loss last week to defeat the B.C. Lions in a wet and wild match-up just a few blocks from here on Friday night.
King: And look TM. It’s Fernando Pisani, Ryan Smyth and Steve Staois of the Edmonton Oilers!
(Fans pop huge for both teams.)
TM: And folks coming up tonight. What a huge main event. It’s a gigantic six man tag match as Natural and the Destroyer team up with the number one contender Mr. Reality Shane Warner to face West Coast Wonder, Pyro and the Saint Kid Omen!
(My Sweet Shadow- Ackerman edit by In Flames hits to a massive pop as Matt Ackerman comes out to ringside.)
Jillian Marcia: Ladies and Gentleman, please welcome the WNC World Heavyweight Champion, MATT ACKERMAN!
(Crowd pops huge as Ackerman gets in the ring with a microphone.)
Matt: You know, ever since I came into this business, I’ve heard the doubters. Telling me, I’m too short, and I’m not good enough to hang with the “big boys”. I proved them all wrong when I won the NBWF World Title! I did it again when I won the ECWF World Title! And then when I won the WNC Title at Wrestling Spectacle! But still I heard people. People in this very locker room. Saying stuff like, Matt Ackerman, the only reason you were given the title shot is because of past success. And yet they’ve all lined up to take their shot at me. Mike Becker, Countdown, Mr. Natural. And they’ve all fallen prey to my superior abilities! Yet of all the people who’ve told me, I’m not good enough. There’s been one man, who’s talked more smack than anyone else. Yes, it is indeed England’s favorite son, Mr. Reality Shane Warner. I’ve heard him talk. Calling me a paper champion. A popularity contest whore. And he’s always bitching and complaining that he hasn’t been given an opportunity here in the WNC, and that he’s been held back. Well guess what Shane-O. Now is your chance. Now’s your chance to prove me wrong. It’s put up or shut up time now. So bring you’re A Game and prepare to become my next victim.
(Ackerman starts to walk off then pauses and turns around.)
Matt: Oh, right. And, as for the match, let’s really find out who the better man is, in a 60 MINUTE IRON MAN MATCH!
Crowd pops huge as Ackerman heads to the back and we go to commercial.)
(We come back from commercials and head ringside.)
MAKE SOME NOISE!
X-PAC!
(Wanna be A Balla by Lil Troy hits to big heat.)
TM: Wait a minute. What the hell is X-Pac coming out here for?
(Fans chant X-Pac sucks.)
X-Pac: Shut up fools! Ya know damn well I’m the man who beat Raw Impact 2 straight falls at Canadian Stampede! And I’m the man who’s gonna go all the way to the top in the WNC. I am the best here and there is no doubt about that. I am way better than any of your stupid Canadian hockey players!
(Crowd boos.)
X-Pac: And I am quite frankly, the best at what I do. I’ve been all over the world. And I always come out on top. And if anyone doubts me, then I kick their ass!
(Salty Dog by Flogging Molly hits to a decent pop!)
TM: Wait a minute! What the hell is this? OH MY GOD! It’s Iron Rodger!
(Iron Rodger comes out and gets into the ring.)
Iron Rodger: Arr, X-pac you seems to be thinkin’ that you’s the best, matey. Well I’ve got news for you, I’ve sailed the seven seas and I’ve seen a lot of crazy things in my day. But absolutely none of it matey has been as absurd and silly as you and that stupid Trashcan!
(Crowd pops as X-Pac is offended.)
Iron Rodger: Arr, matey. I have what we pirates like to call a proposition for you. How’s abouts you and me, arr, face off at WNC Summer Blast in Miami, Florida! In the first ever Walk the Plank match!
TM: The what?
X-Pac: Fool, I kick your ass right now!
Iron Rodger: Arr, ya see X-Pacy, challenging this swash buckler will be your most fatal mistake, lad. When you step into the ring with the man they call the Ayatollah of Sea-Controllah, you ought to Prepare for the Battle of your life. Savvy?
X-Pac: I don’t know what the hell you just said, but I’ll still kick your ass.
Iron Rodger: (Almost to himself.) Now you know how the rest of us feel.
(Crowd laughs hysterically. Even King laughs.)
X-Pac: Look fool, I’m a kick your ass and make you walk the plank or whatever and beat you down, cuz me and Mr. Trashcan will beat you to within an inch of your life!
Iron Rodger: Arr. Abandon Hope, all ye who challenge me.
(Iron Rodger begins to leave. X-Pac tries to hit him from behind but Rodger nails him with the wooden leg he carries!)
Iron Rodger: Arr. Matey you may have yerr Mr. Trashcan. But I’ve got me, Mr. Wooden Prosthetic Leg. Arrr!
(Crowd pops as Iron Rodger leaves the ring and we head to commercials.)
(The WNC logo appears and fades.)
(The WNC video plays as System of A Down’s Revenga plays. The video stops and we cut live into the sold out Rexall Place as Pump It by the Black Eyed Peas plays. We circle the arena which is sold out and every fan has been given a pom-pom.)
TM: Ladies and Gentleman! We welcome you live to the sold out Rexall Place here in Edmonton, Alberta Canada and these fans went crazy during the Stanley Cup Playoffs and they’re going crazy again here tonight!
King: And they should be! We have a HUGE six man tag Main Event as Pyro, West Coast Wonder and the Saint Kid Omen team up to face Mr. Reality and the tag champs Natural and the Destroyer!
TM: Plus tonight we find out which stipulation Matt Ackerman has chosen for his title defence at the WNC’s Summer Blast!
(Set It Off Tweeker Mix by P.O.D. hits to a MASSIVE OVATION!)
TM: AND HERE COMES THE HOME TOWN BOY!
DING DING DING!
The following tag team match is scheduled for one fall and is to determine the number one contenders. Introducing first from EDMONTON, ALBERTA, CANADA, weighing 245 pounds, JESSE!
(Crowd pops more as Jesse comes out wearing an Oilers jersey! He gets in the ring and removes the jersey and throws it into the ground before grabbing a microphone.)
Jesse: Yeah! It’s great to be back home, baby!
(Crowd pops!)
Jesse: Oh you’re damn right. Moments like this make me wonder WHAT THE HELL WAS LAUREN PRONGER THINKING?
(Crowd boo’s loudly!)
Jesse: Anyways, please give it up for my buddy and tag team partner, HOT STUFF EDDIE G!
BRRINGGGGGGGG!
CAN YOU FEEL THE HEAAT!
(Hot Stuff by Unknown Latin Band plays to a huge pop!)
And from Melbourne, Australia, by way of Mexico, Hot Stuff Eddie G!
Eddie: Orale, Jesse, holmes! It’s good to be back in your home town, ese. There’s some fine mamacita’s here!
(Crowd pops!)
Eddie: Yeah I saw all them girls flashing their boobies on Whyte Ave on the internet!
(Crowd pops again!)
Eddie: Damn, some fine mamacita’s!
Jesse: Yeah Eddie and ya know what’s even better than that?
Eddie: What?
(Suddenly, Fixation on the Darkness by Killswitch Engage hits to huge heat!
And their opponents, at a combined weight of 825 pounds, Mike Becker and Paul Bunyan!
(Becker comes out wearing an Anaheim Mighty Ducks jersey with Pronger on the back and the fans go insane with boos!)
TM: Now what the hell is he thinking!
DING DING DING!
Eddie G and Becker will start. Eddie goes for a clothesline but Becker ducks and walks into a stiff right from Bunyan as Becker taunts.
TM: The fans here are livid!
(The fans rotate back and forth between chanting “F—k You Pronger” and “Becker sucks!”)
Becker gives the fans the finger which causes even more boos. Becker stomping away on Eddie! Snap Suplex! Becker taunts and goes to tag in Bunyan but before he can Eddie grabs his foot and yanks him back! Eddie with a Snap suplex of his own! Eddie tags in Jesse and the crowd pops huge! Jesse goes up to Becker and decks him and then rips the jersey off of his back as the fans cheer insanely loud!
TM: The fans are loving this!
Jesse continues to stomp away on Becker. Jesse backs up and Eddie runs in and clobbers Becker. The referee restrains Eddie! Wait a minute! Bunyan just cracked Jesse with the Hardcore Title! NO! Becker with the cover! One! Two! Three!
DING DING DING!
Here are your winners, the team of Mike Becker and Paul Bunyan!
(Crowd boo’s loudly as the two men hurry to the back. Some fans throw litter in their direction as we head to commercial.)
(We come back from commercial and System of a Down’s Revenga is playing as we circle the arena. We see signs like: Reality Check- New World Champion! The Saint Has Spoken! Canada’s Best City! WNC pwns Male Cheerleaders! The Lucha Legend! Edmonton Loves Pyro! The Countdown is On! Chris Pronger- The New Mr. Natural! Heel Section! Wrestling God Sucks! Becker Sold Out! HAHA BOB PINNED COMPTON! Bob rocks! I love WCW! Marry me Matt Ackerman! Luchara is hot! Kenua #1! Bring Back Marvel! Gary Lang stole my strait jacket! Eddie stole my car! Go Oilers Go! I thought I was here for Dora the Explorer! I bought my tickets from Eddie G! Cena 54 sucks! We Want Zombies! FTW= Freaky Transvestite Whores! Eddie G sold me tacos! Deport Hannah Harper! Where’s the Man in the dress? I came to see Kid Omen! Pyro: Feel the Flame! Bunyan Needs Atkins! Buck Fecker! WG=Ass Clown! Bob is Rated R for Retarded! Oops I stepped on Bob! Dimes sucks! Big Smoke is my dealer! Buzzed Bunny owes me money! Ricky bought me smokes! I snuck in! I’d rather be playing World of Warcraft! Hey Natural SHUT UP! Boo! Wooooooooooo! Dead Man Walking: Mike Becker!)
(We head backstage and Mr. Natural and the Destroyer are backstage with Hannah Harper and Savannah!)
Natural: Oh God! Looks now we get to fight Becker and Bunyan! Oh no I’m scared! What are they gonna do sit on us!
Destroyer: Yeah I know!
Natural: (Peering off screen.) What the hell is that?
(Camera pans out and we reveal a few fans leaning against the wall presumably waiting for something. One of them, a pre-teen boy approaches Natural.)
Boy: Hey, can I have your autograph?
Natural: What the hell are you guys doing back here?
(A 14-15 year old girl pipes in.)
Girl: We’re here to meet West Coast Wonder for an autograph signing! We won a radio contest!
Natural: Really? You do know he’s a fraud don’t you?
(Suddenly Natural realizes something else.)
Natural: Hey boy!
(Natural shoves the pre-teen boy aside and approaches another one probably around 10 or 11.)
Natural: What the hell is that around your neck?
Boy: Oh this! This is the brand new Kid Omen the Saint Pendant!
Natural: Kid Omen? Are you f**king kidding me? What a joke!
(Suddenly Natural grabs the pendant and rips it off the kids neck and throws it behind him. The kid appears to start to cry as we head back to ringside.)
TM: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT?
King: Come on, he’s just a kid! Who cares if he likes Kid Omen? That was completely uncalled for!
(Bob Marley’s Hold You Down hits to huge heat!)
TM: Now wait a minute! What the hell is this?
King: Well it’s obviously that arrogant jerk Wrestling God!
TM: Yeah but he’s not scheduled here tonight!
(WG comes out in a suit with a microphone and stands on the side of the stage.)
Wrestling God: Haha! Hello to all of my adoring fans in Calgary!
(Crowd boos!)
WG: I came out here tonight, not only so you could see your favorite WNC superstar. But also so you could see the man who is going to beat the high holy hell out of Y2J Chris Jericho at Summer Blast!
(Crowd pops at the mention of Jericho’s name!)
WG: Yeah. You see Jericho might think he’s got the advantage, but he doesn’t! History has shown that when two men or two groups of people square off, it’s always been the better of the two who comes out on top. When Ali and Fraser fought, the better man prevailed. Fraser lost to a better man. When the British fought the French, the French lost to a better army. And this year in the Stanley Cup, the Oilers lost to a better team!
(Crowd boo’s loudly as WG laughs!)
King: (Laughs.) He just had to go there didn’t he?
WG: And at the WNC’s Summer Blast! Chris Jericho will lose to a better man, and that man is me, the Wrestling God! Because I am What I say I am, and I am a…..What the hell?
(WG looks down into the crowd near the stage.)
WG: I thought I told you sons of bitches to stay out here!
(We pan to the crowd and a few people are confused.)
TM: Is that Sean Delson? The bass player for Fozzy?
King: Uh-Oh. I think it is?
WG: Well, well, well. Look who Chris sent this time. If it isn’t Sean Delson from the band Fozzy!
(Crowd cheers as Sean briefly acknowledges them with a small wave.)
Sean: (Inaudibly.) Hey man. I’m just here visiting some relatives.
WG: Oh really? Is that so?
TM: Oh come on now!
(WG climbs down from the stage and goes towards Delson. He then grabs him by his shirt collar and flips him over the barricade! Several of his friends try to stop WG but he threatens to punch them and they back off! WG throws Delson hard against a steel railing. He then slams him through a door and the two men crash into the backstage area as we go to a commercial.)
(We come back from commercials and Sheena Michaels and Ally Rogers are comparing outfits as both are in their underwear. Suddenly the door crashes open as Sean Delson comes flying through it! Both girls scream and run off as WG comes in to retrieve Delson’s lifeless body! WG puts him in a headlock and begins to yell at him. A close-up reveals Delson has been busted open!)
TM: My God! I know WG is trying to send a message to Jericho but this is ridiculous!
WG: You see this Jericho! If you know what’s good for you, you will tell your stupid little friends to stay the hell away from me!
(We head elsewhere and Mr. Natural is in the concourse taunting people in the concession line up. He takes a child’s ice cream and slams it on the floor. His father tries to protest but Natural shoves him back and dumps a bag of popcorn on him! Natural walks up to a 13 year old boy waiting in line and notices he is wearing the new Pyro: Feel The Flame t-shirt.)
Natural: Hey kid. You like Pyro?
Kid: Um, well yeah kinda. He’s pretty cool. But I like you a lot more.
TM: (Muttering) Smart kid.
Natural: Really? Well then why are you wearing a Pyro shirt.
Kid: Um, umm yours were sold out.
Natural: Really? How come I don’t believe you?
Kid: Okay, I just knew my mom wouldn’t let me get it because it said FTW on the shirt.
Natural: Aww, isn’t that too bad. Kid, are you a momma’s boy? Answer me damn it! Are you a momma’s boy?
Kid: Um, no. But….
Natural: But nothing. You go home and you tell your mama to shove it if she doesn’t like it!
Kid: But my mom is cool!
Natural: I don’t give a damn. But since you like pyro so much, watch this!
(Natural pulls out a firecracker and lights it and drops it on the floor. The kid jumps back in fear as it explodes.)
Natural: There’s your pyro for ya!
(Suddenly three security guards come up to Mr. Natural.)
Guard: Excuse me, sir. It’s time for you to leave.
Natural: Aww, shucks. Come on, I was just starting to have fun.
Guard 2: Now!
Natural: Alright….
(Natural grabs a beer out of someone’s hand and throws it at the two guards. He then kicks the third one in the nuts before taking off down the stairs!)
TM: HOW THE HELL DOES THIS MAN HAVE A JOB?
King: I have no idea TM! What he does just disgusts me!
TM: But folks on a ligher note, coming up next, we will hear from the WNC Champion Matt Ackerman!
(We head backstage and Jesse and Kenua are backstage.)
Jesse: So what’s the deal with Luchara. Is her aunt okay?
Kenua: She is for now. They’re not sure what’s wrong with her. I dunno. Luchara always seems so happy but if I mention her Aunt she just shuts up completely.
Jesse: I dunno man. Maybe you should give her some space.
Kenua: Yeah I know.
(Luchara runs into the room, looking as if she has been crying.)
Kenua: What’s wrong?
Luchara: That was my mother. My aunt just died.
Jesse: Oh my God!
Kenua: Oh no, I’m sorry.
Luchara: The funeral’s tomorrow but the last flight leaves in an hour.
Kenua: Well, I’d better take you then.
Jesse: No, no. You’ve got a match against Countdown tonight.
Kenua: Screw the match! Can’t you see this is more important than wrestling!
Jesse: Look man, I’ll take her! I’ve lived here my whole life. I know this town like the back of my hand. You go and have your match and I’ll get her to the airport in no time.
Luchara: Really? Thank you so much.
Kenua: You’d do that for me.
Jesse: Absolutely. Man, you’re my best friend. But we’d better get going.
Kenua: Okay, I’ll see you soon honey.
Jesse: I’ll call you once we’re in the air.
Kenua: Okay.
(Jesse and Luchara leave the room. Suddenly a drunken Eddie G. bursts in with a bottle of champagne in one hand. He stumbles and nearly falls over a chair.)
Eddie: What’s up Kenua, holmes! Where’s Luchara?
Kenua: Her aunt just died. Jesse went to take her to the airport.
Eddie: I thought Jesse was gonna spend a few more days here visiting family and friends.
Kenua: Well yeah but she had to be there in like an hour.
Eddie: Pfft. Holmes, I could’ve driven her!
(Kenua rolls his eyes as Eddie nearly stumbles over the exact same chair and we head to commercial.)
(We come back from commercial and head back to ringside.)
TM: Folks we understand Jesse is now on the road attempting to get Luchara to the Edmonton International Airport in time for them to fly out for her Aunt’s funeral tomorrow. We would like to express our condolences to Luchara and her family.
King: Yeah, her boyfriend Kenua is staying behind as he has a non-title match with the Pure Champion Countdown.
TM: But folks earlier today, this was the scene on the “notorious” Whyte Avenue as the Buzzed Bunny, Big Smoke and Ricky went in search of some of the infamous “Blue Mile girls”.
(We cut to footage filmed at best in amateur fashion of Whyte Avenue from mid-afternoon. Buzzed Bunny and Big Smoke are in front of the camera.)
Big Smoke: Okay so during the NHL playoffs, there was like lots of rioting and girls showing their boobies and stuff here on Whyte Avenue. So we wanted to come down and see what all the fuss was about.
(We cut to Big Smoke interviewing a lady who is likely in her late 60’s, early 70s. She is standing near a fruit stand.)
Big Smoke: So what are you here for.
Lady: I am here for the farmer’s market. I’ve come here to find the best deals in the city on fresh fruit and vegetables.
Big Smoke: Were you here at all during the playoffs?
Lady: No. I don’t like hockey.
Big Smoke: But surely you were here showing your breasts to all the Oilers fans, right.
Lady: (Giggles.) No, no. I’m too old for that!
Big Smoke: Oh come on, you don’t look that old!
(We cut to an image of Buzzed Bunny in a bar. He is interviewing a well-dressed waiter.)
Bunny: Hey, I’m here at the Bar Wild on Whyte. And I’m talking to this man here. Now during the playoffs, did you get to see a lot of girl on girl action?
Waiter: Nah, I’m not really into that kinda thing.
Bunny: You don’t like girls?
Waiter: Well, no of course I like girls. But it’s just the partys got a little bit too wild for me.
Bunny: But you work at Bar Wild. Surely this was the place to be for scantilly-clad women kissing other scantily-clad women.
(Waiter ignores him and begins pouring a drink.)
Bunny: So what are you like into dudes. Cuz, I can like take off my shirt and ya know….
(Waiter laughs. Two bouncers come over and grab Bunny.)
Bouncer: You’re out, pal!
(The bouncers throw Bunny out on the street.)
(We cut to Ricky who has just walked into a guitar store. He is shirtless as always.)
Ricky: I know Bunny and Smoke are more into the boobies. But me, I’m here to get to the deeper side of the story. I’m here at Yamaha Guitars one of the many shops that was vandalized by so-called hooligans during the playoffs.
(The shop owner yells at Ricky.)
Owner: Hey you! I thought I told you once before! Put a shirt on or get the hell out of my store!
Ricky: Hey c’mon man, I’m on your side. I’m doing coverage on how you guys suffered.
Owner: OUT NOW!
(We cut to Buzzed Bunny who is standing outside next to an oddly dressed man.)
Bunny: Tell the people at home exactly what you’re doing here.
Man: Well, we’re here for the annual Street Performers Festival. We come from Kingston, Ontario. We’re here to display a variety of bizzare feats of humanity to the wonderful people of Edmonton.
Bunny: Just what kind of bizzare feats are we talking about here?
Man: Well, my partner here can put his leg behind his ear and hop on one leg. Jimmy, show him your one leg trick.
(Jimmy puts his leg behind his ear and hops around on one leg!)
Bunny: (To the first man.) Can I buy pot from you?
(We cut to Big Smoke who is standing outside of Chapter’s.)
Big Smoke: I’m standing outside the notorious Chapters. Yes indeed. This is the historical spot of such popular You Tube videos as Girls Attempt to Flash Boobs and get hit with Fireworks and Men Hanging from Power Lines get beer bottles thrown at them.
(Big Smoke approaches a policeman who has been riding his bike. He is taking a sip of water.)
Big Smoke: Excuse me, sir. In light of the recent Whyte Ave riots, shouldn’t there be more beefed-up security.
Cop: Believe me there was. Right now, it’s a Monday afternoon and people are enjoying the farmers market and the street performers festival. We have a few officers here but we don’t expect any problems.
Big Smoke: So you’re not expecting any hooligans to come and smash some windows right about now or anything.
Cops: No not really. Nothing to celebrate or riot about.
(Suddenly Ricky runs by in the background in his boxers with his pants around his legs screaming at the top of his lungs. Immediately, two leashed police dogs take him down as several cops crowd around him and arrest him.)
(Big Smoke and the cop on the bike exchange glances as we head back to the arena.)
(We go to a dressing room where Matt Ackerman is pacing back and forth. West Coast Wonder walks in.)
WCW: Hey Matt. What’s the matter?
NNN: Aww, nothing man. Ya know I just got this big decision to make about my title defense.
WCW: Man, don’t sweat it. You and I both know you can beat Mr. Reality in any kind of match.
NNN: I know. But you’d have to be an idiot to not realize that Charles Kennedy is trying to stack the odds against me. I have to be careful and not put myself in a position where I can get screwed.
WCW: I know what you mean man. But seriously, have you decided on a match yet?
NNN: I think I’ve made my mind up, yeah.
WCW: What kind of match is it? Just between you and me?
NNN: You’ll have to wait to find out……..(Ackerman turns to the camera and delivers a thumbs up.) After this commercial break!
(Ackerman leaves the room as WCW laughs.)
WCW: Good one Matt! Nice cliffhanger!
(We go to commercial as WCW continues to chuckle.)
(We come back from commercial and go to a news studio.)
Newsanchor: And finally, the stock market closed today down 0.13 points on the TSE. Now with a look at weather, here is Ally Rogers!
(We cut to a weather screen where a bikini-clad Ally Rogers is looking hot as ever.)
Ally Rogers: Thanks Tim. Well the forecast looks really hot! And I’m predicting a heat wave crossing all across North America. It’s something of a global phenomenom. It’s heating up the temperature wherever it goes. And it’s bring along with it some dangerous destruction.
(We then cut to WNC action as a voice-over kicks in.)
Voiceover: The WNC is coming to a city near you to heat things up.
Next Monday, it’s WNC BeatDown live from the E Center in Salt Lake City!
Then on July 24th we make our way to the Myriad Arena in Oklahoma City.
On July 27th, see your favorite WNC superstars up close and personal at the Hara Arena in Dayton, Ohio!
On July 31st, the WNC heads to the RBC Center in Raleigh, North Carolina!
And on August 13th, the WNC presents Summer Blast live from the American Airlines Arena in Miami, Flordia!
The WNC live and in person! Check out WNC.Com for more information!
(Cheery music kicks in as we go back to the anchorman.)
Anchorman: And up next, we’ll tell you how to make doing your taxes a much more enjoyable experience, right after this.
(System of A Down’s Revenga plays as we are outside and we scan the outer area of Rexall Place with the Gretzky Statue in the forefront which earns a big pop from the crowd.)
TM: Well folks we are live from the sold out Rexall Place in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada and what a night it has been.
King: Oh absolutely, and check out here at ringside. We have some members of last years Grey Cup Winners, the Edmonton Eskimos!
TM: Absolutely. The Eskimo’s came back from a tough loss last week to defeat the B.C. Lions in a wet and wild match-up just a few blocks from here on Friday night.
King: And look TM. It’s Fernando Pisani, Ryan Smyth and Steve Staois of the Edmonton Oilers!
(Fans pop huge for both teams.)
TM: And folks coming up tonight. What a huge main event. It’s a gigantic six man tag match as Natural and the Destroyer team up with the number one contender Mr. Reality Shane Warner to face West Coast Wonder, Pyro and the Saint Kid Omen!
(My Sweet Shadow- Ackerman edit by In Flames hits to a massive pop as Matt Ackerman comes out to ringside.)
Jillian Marcia: Ladies and Gentleman, please welcome the WNC World Heavyweight Champion, MATT ACKERMAN!
(Crowd pops huge as Ackerman gets in the ring with a microphone.)
Matt: You know, ever since I came into this business, I’ve heard the doubters. Telling me, I’m too short, and I’m not good enough to hang with the “big boys”. I proved them all wrong when I won the NBWF World Title! I did it again when I won the ECWF World Title! And then when I won the WNC Title at Wrestling Spectacle! But still I heard people. People in this very locker room. Saying stuff like, Matt Ackerman, the only reason you were given the title shot is because of past success. And yet they’ve all lined up to take their shot at me. Mike Becker, Countdown, Mr. Natural. And they’ve all fallen prey to my superior abilities! Yet of all the people who’ve told me, I’m not good enough. There’s been one man, who’s talked more smack than anyone else. Yes, it is indeed England’s favorite son, Mr. Reality Shane Warner. I’ve heard him talk. Calling me a paper champion. A popularity contest whore. And he’s always bitching and complaining that he hasn’t been given an opportunity here in the WNC, and that he’s been held back. Well guess what Shane-O. Now is your chance. Now’s your chance to prove me wrong. It’s put up or shut up time now. So bring you’re A Game and prepare to become my next victim.
(Ackerman starts to walk off then pauses and turns around.)
Matt: Oh, right. And, as for the match, let’s really find out who the better man is, in a 60 MINUTE IRON MAN MATCH!
Crowd pops huge as Ackerman heads to the back and we go to commercial.)
(We come back from commercials and head ringside.)
MAKE SOME NOISE!
X-PAC!
(Wanna be A Balla by Lil Troy hits to big heat.)
TM: Wait a minute. What the hell is X-Pac coming out here for?
(Fans chant X-Pac sucks.)
X-Pac: Shut up fools! Ya know damn well I’m the man who beat Raw Impact 2 straight falls at Canadian Stampede! And I’m the man who’s gonna go all the way to the top in the WNC. I am the best here and there is no doubt about that. I am way better than any of your stupid Canadian hockey players!
(Crowd boos.)
X-Pac: And I am quite frankly, the best at what I do. I’ve been all over the world. And I always come out on top. And if anyone doubts me, then I kick their ass!
(Salty Dog by Flogging Molly hits to a decent pop!)
TM: Wait a minute! What the hell is this? OH MY GOD! It’s Iron Rodger!
(Iron Rodger comes out and gets into the ring.)
Iron Rodger: Arr, X-pac you seems to be thinkin’ that you’s the best, matey. Well I’ve got news for you, I’ve sailed the seven seas and I’ve seen a lot of crazy things in my day. But absolutely none of it matey has been as absurd and silly as you and that stupid Trashcan!
(Crowd pops as X-Pac is offended.)
Iron Rodger: Arr, matey. I have what we pirates like to call a proposition for you. How’s abouts you and me, arr, face off at WNC Summer Blast in Miami, Florida! In the first ever Walk the Plank match!
TM: The what?
X-Pac: Fool, I kick your ass right now!
Iron Rodger: Arr, ya see X-Pacy, challenging this swash buckler will be your most fatal mistake, lad. When you step into the ring with the man they call the Ayatollah of Sea-Controllah, you ought to Prepare for the Battle of your life. Savvy?
X-Pac: I don’t know what the hell you just said, but I’ll still kick your ass.
Iron Rodger: (Almost to himself.) Now you know how the rest of us feel.
(Crowd laughs hysterically. Even King laughs.)
X-Pac: Look fool, I’m a kick your ass and make you walk the plank or whatever and beat you down, cuz me and Mr. Trashcan will beat you to within an inch of your life!
Iron Rodger: Arr. Abandon Hope, all ye who challenge me.
(Iron Rodger begins to leave. X-Pac tries to hit him from behind but Rodger nails him with the wooden leg he carries!)
Iron Rodger: Arr. Matey you may have yerr Mr. Trashcan. But I’ve got me, Mr. Wooden Prosthetic Leg. Arrr!
(Crowd pops as Iron Rodger leaves the ring and we head to commercials.)