Post by Mike Jones on Jun 4, 2006 4:28:36 GMT -5
March 6th WNC BeatDown Results
(The WNC logo appears and the Beadown video plays as System of A Down’s Revenga plays.)
(The Pyro goes off and we go live inside the jam-packed Bell Centre in Montreal, Quebec, Canada.)
Tim Moss: Good evening, ladies and Gentleman, we welcome you live to the jam-packed Bell Centre in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. And we are just 13 days from Wrestling Spectacle!
Poacher: Well, you’re right TM. These fans are pumped up here, although I don’t understand a damn thing that they’re saying.
King: But these Canadian girls are hot!
Poacher: Well, I agree with you there.
(Born In the Usa by Bruce Springsteen hits to a mixed reaction.)
Jillian Marcia: Ladies and Gentleman. Would you please welcome the chairman of World Net Championship wrestling, Charles Kennedy!
(Charles Kennedy comes to the ring, holding a sash of some kind.)
Charles Kennedy: Yeah! I’m here in Canada, eh!
(Some laughter. A few cheers.)
Charles Kennedy: Well, ladies and Gentleman. The WNC Wrestling Spectacle is 13 days away! As for the contents of this sack, I’ll get to that in a minute. But right now I am here to announce a VERY special guest who will appear at the Hall of Fame/Awards ceremony. As you know two bands; Nickelback and Anthrax will be performing. However, joining Anthrax on stage for the first time in almost a decade will be…..
MAKE SOME NOISE!
X-PAC!
THINK YOU CAN TELL US WHAT TO DO?
THINK YOU CAN TELL US WHAT TO WEAR?
THINK YOU’RE BETTER?
WELL, YOU BETTER GET READY TO BOW TO THE MASTERS!
BREAK IT DOWN!
(Wanna Be A Balla by Lil Troy kicks in to mostly boos.)
X-Pac 360: Yo, Yo! Mr. C.E.O! Everybody knows! What you’ve got in the bag, ho!
Charles Kennedy: Did you just call me a ho? YOU SON OF A BITCH, I OUGHT TO FIRE YOUR ASS! But before I can do that, you must answer one question. WHO IN THE HELL ARE YOU?
??
(Big Pop!)
X-Pac 360: (Shocked.) I’m X-Pac 360, Bitch!
Charles Kennedy: I DON’T GIVE A RAT’S ASS WHO YOU ARE!
(Another big pop!)
X-Pac 360: Don’t make me tell Mr. Trashcan to kick your ass!
Charles Kennedy: SHUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!
(Big pop!)
Charles: Now, since you’re out here. Yes, that IS a brand new WNC Cruiserweight Title inside the sack! And yes I WAS planning on presenting it here tonight! However, I was NOT going to give it to you!
(Big pop!)
Charles: Ladies and Gentleman, please welcome, BOB!
King: WHAT THE HELL?
(Theme from Austin Power’s hits.)
Poacher: Recount! I demand a recount!
King: There’s no counting involved Poacher.
(Bob gets in the ring and grabs the microphone from Charles Kennedy and salutes the crowd.)
Bob: Everybody say hello to your new Cruiserweight Champion, me B…..
(Charles snatches the back.)
Charles: What the hell? Give me THAT! Dammnit! Did I say you could take that?
(Bob shakes his head, No.)
Charles: Then why the hell did you take it?
(Bob shrugs and gives a sad puppy dog face as the crowd laughs.)
Charles: You know what? I was gonna just give you the title! But on seconds thoughts! I’m gonna make a tournament! So right now, in the first sem-final it’s gonna be Bob vs. X-Pac 360! Get me a damn referee!
TM: Well I guess we’re gonna have an impromptu match.
DING DING DING!
X-Pac 360 sneaks up behind Bob and nails the X-Factor! He covers but the ref is still on his way down! The ref gets in the ring and counts! One! Two! Three!
DING DING DING!
Here is your winner, X-Pac 360!
Poacher: What a great champion, X-Pac 360 would make!
TM: Great champion, my ass.
(Backstage we see Kid Omen and Dimes taping their wrists.)
Kid Omen: Good luck in your match agaisnt Dead Man tonight.
Dimes: Yeah. Have fun kicking the crap out of that Jap idiot Kevin Sane and winning the tournament.
(Just then, Raw Impact walks by.)
Raw Impact: Woah, woah, woah. What did you just say? First of all, Kevin Sane’s not even Japanese. He’s from Las Vegas. And secondly, even if you do beat him, there ain’t no way you’re gonna win the tournament! After I kick the hell out of Insane Gary Lang next week, I’m gonna win this thing. And if you think otherwise, prepare for an Impact! Better yet, prepare for a BEATDOWN!
(We move to a corridor and see Charles Kennedy walking through. Big Smoke approaches him.)
Big Smoke: Sir, I heard you’re doing a Cruiserweight Tournament tonight. Can I be in on it?
Charles Kennedy: Sure, I don’t see why not.
(Buzzed Bunny walks up also.)
Buzzed Bunny: What about me?
(Charles looks over Buzzed Bunny rather confused.)
Charles: Bunny, aren’t you like 450 pounds?
Bunny: Yeah, so?
Charles: This IS a Cruiserweight Title. You do know that, right?
Bunny: Yeah, so?
(Crowd laughs.)
Charles: What the hell are you on?
Bunny: Well, actually I’m on, mari….
Charles: Don’t answer that.
(He walks away and then stops and looks around.)
Charles: You guys are damn lucky we don’t have a drug policy in the WNC. Now get out of my face.
(Charles turns around and almost takes out Cena 54. Cena starts shoving back.)
Cena 54: What the hell you doing, man. You think you can get away with this shi……(Looks up and see’s it’s the C.E.O. and gulps.) I mean, uh, sorry, Mr. Kennedy, sir.
Charles: Apology accepted. Um, if you don’t mind me asking. How much do you weigh?
Cena 54: Woah, woah, sir. I know I have a great body. But, no I don’t do steroids.
(Charles looks over him puzzled as the crowd laughs, knowing there is NO way he’s on steroids.)
Charles: Well, that’s not why I wondered. I was wondering if you weighed less than 215 pounds.
Cena54: Actualy, I weigh 215 pounds exactly.
Charles: Oh? Well, how would you like to face the Buzzed Bunny for the Cruiserweight tournament tonight?
Cena 54: Buzzed Bunny? Isn’t he 450 pounds?
Charles: No, that’s Buzzed….Yeah, you’re right. I meant Big Smoke. It’s impossible to tell those two apart.
(Crowd laughs.)
Cena 54: Sure, I could use a title to prove to the WNC fans how good I am.
Charles: Riight.
(Crowd laughs again.)
(We go backstage and Kevin Sane is lacing up his boots.)
TM: Well folks, up next. Kid Omen goes one on one with the Noticeable Kevin Sane!
(Sane gets up and heads to the ring as we head to commercial.)
(We come back from commercial and Jillian Marcia is in the ring.)
DING DING DING!
Jillian: Ladies and Gentleman, the following is a Semi-Finals match scheduled for one fall.
(Sold Me by Seether hits to mostly heat.)
Jillian: Introducing first, from Saint Kitt’s and Nevis, weighing 170 pounds, The Saint Kid Omen.
TM: Well folks, some of our more alert viewers may have noticed that Jillian Marcia mistakingly claimed Kid Omen weighed in at only 115 pounds last week. We’re not sure what came over her, but we’re willing to overlook her momentary lapse in judgement.
King: Yeah. How could you possibly fire someone with an ass like that?
TM: Why did I guess that T&A would come up in there somewhere?
King: You know me, TM.
TM: (Mutters.) Not as well as all your ex wives.
King: What?
TM: Nothing.
(Nightmare of Eden by H.I.M. hits to a decent pop.)
And the opponent, from Las Vegas, Nevada. He weighs in at 240 pounds. This is the Noticeable, Kevin Sane!
TM: A great ovation here for the young rookie who made his triumphant return to in-ring action just last week after being sidelined with an ankle injury.
DING DING DING!
And this match is under-way. Kevin Sane with a big time arm drag to start off. He then nails a nice Overhead Suplex! Sane up top now! Looking for a Flying Lariat! Ow! I’m not sure he got all of that! Sane now to his feet but his ankle gives way. Oh, no! His ankle may have been re-injured on that Flying Lariat. Omen from behind with a roll-up! He’s got the tights! One! Two! Three!
DING DING DING!
Here is your winner, Kid Omen!
(Omen celebrates his victory as the referee calls for a trainer to check on Sane. We head backstage.)
(We see Countdown inside his dressing room lacing up his boots. There is a knock at the door.)
Countdown: Come in.
(Jamie Hudson walks in and Countdown stands up.)
Jamie: I just wanted to wish you good luck on your show’s world premier tonight.
(She then wraps her arms around him and they make out!)
(We then move to the G-Unit locker room and Gary Lang is in the room preparing for match. RKO looks over at Gangsta.)
Gangsta: Look, RKO. After what happened to New York’s Most Wanted last week. I figured we can’t be too careful. I’m gonna come with you to ringside for your match tonight. Okay?
RKO: Sure, sounds good, bro.
(We see Scott Man walking towards the ring as we head to commercial.)
(We come back from commercial and there are two chairs in the ring and a big Plasma screen is hanging from the roof.)
(Suddenly, the lights go out and the countdown begins. When the stopwatch hits zero, big pyro goes off and Saliva’s I Want You kicks in!)
Jillian Marcia: Ladies and gentleman, please welcome Countdown!
(Countdown get in the ring.)
Countdown: Welcome to WNC BeatDown! And Welcome to the first-ever Counterstrike!
(Crowd gives a mixed reaction.)
Countdown: Ladies and Gentleman. My guest tonight is the Ass Clown of ALL Ass Clowns. He is a former ECWF Tag Team Champion. Thanks to me, of course. And if not for me, this man would be a drunken, fat slob! Which is funny, cuz that seems to be the kind of person he prefers to hang out with!
(Crowd gives a mixed reaction. One or two people boo loudly.)
Countdown: Oh, what’s this? There’s some ECWF fans in the house. (Big pop!) So you know I’m talking about that Fat Lard Buck the Sports Guy!
(Mixture of cheers and boo’s from without the arena as it seems the majority of the fans know who Buck the Sports Guy is just can’t seem to make up their mind whether or not they like him.)
Countdown: But, Scott Man. You’re no better. Let me tell you this, your attitude, young man. It leaves a taste in my mouth so sour, it’s worse than drinking Canadian beer!
(Big heat!)
Countdown: Oh, I’m sorry. God, you people act like I just insulted your religion. Oh wait a minute I did!
(Crowd boo’s more but several audience members laugh.)
Countdown: That’s right, cuz you guys are nothing better than a bunch of overweight, beer drinking, lazy ass slobs!
(System of A Down’s Old School Hollywood hits to a HUGE pop!)
(Scott Man gets in the ring and stares at Countdown as he salutes the crowd.)
Countdown (Waiting for the crowd to die down.): Hey Ass Clown! I didn’t invite you out here ye……
Scott Man: SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH, COUNTDOWN!
(Crowd cheers loudly.)
Scott Man: First of all, if I were you I wouldn’t be focused on insulting these people, I’d be focused on what I’m gonna do to you inside that Sadistic Elimination Chamber!
(Crowd pops again!)
Scott Man: And secondly, why the HELL are you out here calling Canadian’s alocholics?
(Crowd pops momentarily.)
Scott Man: Everyone know’s their beer tastes like water anyways.
(Big heat!)
Scott Man: I’m kidding. But seriously Count Clown. If you think that by coming up with stupid little one-liners is gonna make you be the champion. Then you’re dead wrong!
Countdown: Oh really? Well, that’s funny. Seeing as how you know I’m a damn better wrestler than you are.
Scott Man: Ha! What the hell are you trying to do? Compare Bret Hart to Hulk Hogan? Everybody know’s the Time Freeze is the easiest move in the books!
Countdown: Oh, I’m sorry if I couldn’t live up to the sheer originality of the S-5! Everyone know’s when it comes to wrestling, I’m a machine! Hell, I am the King of the WNC!
DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING!
(Longhorn hits to big heat as Wrestling God comes down to the ring.)
WG: Are you ladies done arguing yet? You see Countdown, I heard you calling yourself a King. Well, son. You may be a King. But you ain’t got nothing on a Wrestling God!
Scott Man: Oh no. What are you gonna do? Hit me with a clothesline!
Countdown: Oh that was just hilarious! WG why don’t you stick to beating up midgets in the Juniors Division.
Scott Man: That was actually kinda funny.
Countdown: Yeah that was pretty funny, wasn’t it?
WG: You two babies shut the hell up! I will not be disrespected! As much as I love kicking that midget West Coast Wonder’s ass, I can beat anyone! Hell, it don’t matter how big anyone is!
(Six Feet Under’s My Hatred hits to a massive pop!)
TM: Well, how’s that for big?
(Bunyan gets in the ring and grabs the microphone.)
Bunyan: Look at me damn it! I’m 500 pounds! I’ll step on all three of you and win the damn match!
WG: Yeah, I see you, you fat basta…..
(Alone by Sanctus Real hits to a massive ovation!)
Poacher: Can someone PLEASE let the Wrestling God get a word in here?
King: Can someone please let Countdown get a word in. This is his show.
Poacher: Oh, we’re still in the Counterstrike?
WCW: You four can bitch and complain, all you want. But the fact is, I am the Champion! And that means I have the advantage of being the final man to enter the Elimination Chamber. So if any of you think you can beat me. Meet me in the ring at Wrestling Spectacle! And we’ll see how “big” you really are!
(Alone by Sanctus Real plays again as WCW shows his belt off to the audience.)
(We head backstage and Ally Rogers is backstage punching a punching bag as Dead Man walks in.)
Dead Man: Sup, Ally. How’s it going? You ready to be the new woman’s champion.
Ally Rogers: You’re damn right I am. And I hope you kick the crap out of Dimes tonight.
(The two embrace as we head to commercial.)
(We come back from commercial just as Burn In My Light by Mercyful Fate hits.)
DING DING DING!
Jillian: Ladies and Gentleman, the following first fall to a finish match is for the WNC Woman’s Championship. Introducing first the champion, being accompanied by Da Gangsta, RKO Sledge Angel.
(Mr. Brightside by the Killers hits to a decent reaction.
And her opponent, Ally Rogers!
DING DING DING!
The two girls duke it out. Ally Rogers comes off the ropes with a Flying Crossbody! She goes off the ropes again looking for a Running Elbow Drop but Gangsta grabs her leg! The referee yells at Gangsta and ejects him! RKO takes advantage and hooks in the Pedigree! But Ally back Body Drops out of it! WAIT A MINUTE! What the hell? Oh no! Bad Gurl came from the crowd! She’s wearing a mask to protect her broken nose! NO! SHE JUST NAILED ALLY ROGERS WITH A KENDO STICK! WHAT THE HELL? RKO goes for the cover as the referee gets back in the ring! ONE! TWO! THREE!
DING DING DING!
NO DAMMIT! RKO STEALS ANOTHER ONE!
(We head backstage and see Mike Becker in suit and tie heading towards the ring as the crowd boo. He passes by several WNC superstars including Jesse, Ty Langston, Big Smoke, Buzzed Bunny, Eddie G, X-Pac 360, Dimes and Metal God. All of them stare at him, obviously dissapointed in his actions last week.)
TM: Well folks, coming up next. Mike Becker had better have a damn good explanation for what he did to Matt Ackerman last week!
(We head to commercial.)
(We come back from commercial just as Nickelback’s Photograph hits to big heat!)
TM: Well folks, here comes the World Heavyweight Champion. Who, in my opinion, deserves an ass kicking after screwing Matt Ackerman and the West Coast Wonder out of their titles last week on BeatDown.
Jillian Marcia: Ladies and Genlteman. Would you please welcome, the WNC World Heavyweight Champion, Mike Becker!
(More heat.)
Becker: SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK!
(Crowd boo’s even louder. Some “asshole” chants start up.)
Becker: All week, everyone’s been asking me the same stupid questions. Why, mike, why? Why did I do it? Why did I crack Ackerman from behind with the belt? It’s quite simple really. Matt Ackerman KNOWS damn well that I can kick his ass!
(Big heat!)
Becker: See, a lot of people think that what I did last week proves that I’m a coward! If I wanted to back out of the match, I could’ve ended his career last week! But I chose not to. See, I want Ackerman 100 %. I didn’t want him to have to defend his tag titles cuz I knew that little pussy would use that as an excuse for me beating his ass.
(Ghost Love Score by Nightwish hits to an Earth-Shattering OVATION!)
(Matt Ackerman walks out in a suit and tie and begins taking off his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. Becker does the same and motions Ackerman to come after him. Ackerman begins to run but just then Becker hops over the ropes and takes off through the crowd! Ackerman takes off after him as we head to commercial.)
(We come back from commercial and Ackerman is backstage in the parking lot.)
NNN: Come on Becker, you son of a bitch! Come out here and face me like a man!
(Suddenly, a vehicle’s engine is heard in the background.)
(West Coast Wonder runs up and pushes Matt out of the way just as a Truck speeds through the parking lot!)
TM: My God! WCW came out of nowhere! And thank God! I think Becker just tried to run Ackerman over!
(Ackerman mouths “thanks” at WCW as we head backstage.)
(Big Smoke and Buzzed Bunny are in their dressing room doing Jumping Jacks. Bunny is sweating a lot.)
Bunny: Man, do we HAVE to do this.
Big Smoke: Look, Bunny. Do you want to be a Cruiserweight Champion or not?
Bunny: Well, yeah but……
Big Smoke: No buts. You’ve got to lose weight, my friend.
(A knock at the door.)
Big Smoke: Come in!
(Agent Jerry Hall walks in.)
Bunny: Oh hey Jer!
Big Smoke: Don’t worry Mr. Hall, I know my match with Cena 54 is up next. I’ll be right out.
Jerry Hall: Actually I was wondering, do you guys have any, uh stuff?
Bunny: Sure, what are you looking for.
Jerry: Well you know that um….(He notices the camera.) What the hell? Get that camera man out of here!
(Bunny runs at the cameraman. The camera then falls to the floor and we see the legs of the camera man run out of the room. Bunny picks up the camera and starts making funny faces into it as we head to the GM’s office.)
(We see Charles Kennedy on the phone. Senior Referee Perry Hughes is sat down on the couch.)
Charles: (On the phone.) Yes. Saturday? Sure, that sounds great. Yeah, we’ll come check it out then. No problem. Thanks.
(He hangs up.)
Charles: (To Perry.) That was the Manager of the Home Depot down in Manhattan. He says we can come check out the store on Saturday.
Perry: Cool.
(Suddenly Matt Ackerman barges in.)
Matt: Hey! Did you see what that low life bastard Mike Becker tried to do to me! He tried to kill me! That pussy keeps running away from me!
Charles: Calm down! Next week, live in that very ring it’s gonna be the contract signing for Mike Becker vs. Matt Ackerman. Oh, and if Mike Becker doesn’t show up. He will be STRIPPED OF THE TITLE!
(We see Countdown standing outside of the GM’s office smiling and nodding his head as we head to commercial.)
(We come back from commercial and Don’t Wanna F—k With Us by John Cena is playing.)
DING DING DING!
Jillian Marcia: Ladies and Gentleman the following is a Semi-Finals match for the Cruiserweight Championship. In the ring, weighing 215 pounds, from Boston, MA, Cena 54!
(Lights dim and smoke pours out of the stage as Big Smoke comes from under the stage on a platform. Snoop Dogg’s Ain’t Nuthing But a G Thang hits to a decent pop.)
And the opponent, from Glenview, Illinois, weighing 160 pounds, The Crack Daddy, Big Smoke Ernie Larois!
Cena 54 tries to nail Big Smoke with brass knucks before the referee rings the bell but Big Smoke ducks and nails him with the bag of drugs her carries!
DING DING DING!
Big Smoke gets the cover! One! Two! Three!
DING DING DING!
Here is your winner, Big Smoke!
TM: Well folks, Big Smoke advances by hook or crook and he will face X-Pac 360 next week!
(Big Smoke continues to dance as Wherever I May Roam by Metallica plays. Big Smoke realizes his time is up and reluctantly leaves the ring.)
DING DING DING!
Ladies and Gentleman, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Death Valley, the Dead Man!
(Grillz by Nelly featuring Paul Wall hits to mostly heat.)
And the opponent, from New York City, weighing 220 pounds, Dimes!
DING DING DING!
Dead Man charges with a clothesline but Dimes ducks and nails a Standing Dropkick! He then signals for the tombstone? What the hell? OH MY GOD! HE’S GOT DEAD MAN UP! BUT HE FLIPPED IT! TOMBSTONE FROM THE DEAD MAN! ONE! TWO! THRE… WHAT THE HELL? Dead Man lifted up Dimes shoulder! Dead Man sets Dimes on the top rope! SUPER DEATH DROP! ONE! TWO! THREE!
DING DING DING!
HERE IS YOUR WINNER, THE DEAD MAN!
TM: Well, folks. Coming up next! It’s Main Event time as Raw Impact takes on Insane Gary Lang in Semi-Final action!
(We see split-screen images of Raw Impact and Insane Gary Lang heading to the ring as we head to commercial.)
(We come back from commercial just as Madhouse by Anthrax hits.)
DING DING DING!
Jillian: Ladies and Gentleman the following Semi-Finals match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from the Asylum, weighing 290 pounds. He is one half of the WNC Tag Team Champions, Insane Gary Lang!
TM: And folks we’ve just been informed of the announcement Charles Kennedy had intended on making earlier tonight. At the WNC Hall of Fame Cermonies, Antrhax will be joined on stage by the legendary Chuck D of Public Enemy to perform “Bring the Noize”.
Poacher: And once again, we’d like to remind you to check out Anthrax’s new CD/DVD package Antrhology: No Hit Wonders. It features the bands best songs and music videos between 1985 and 1991.
King: And let’s not forget Anthrax will perform at the WNC’s Wrestling Spectacle! Where just announced during the commercial break, RKO Sledge Angel who is out here with Gary Lang will defend her Woman’s Title in a Fatal Four Way match against Ally Rogers, Bad Gurl AND Jamie Hudson!
TM: Plus as announced last week a Fatal Four Way Tag Elimnination Match featuring Lang & Gangsta taking on the Buzzed Bunny and Big Smoke, Kid Omen and Dimes AND The Dead Man and Raw Impact. However, IF Raw Impact or Kid Omen win the tournament to become the sixth member in the Elimination Chamber match for the WNC Pure title, then their partner will pick a new partner of their choice.
(Methodical-Remix by Kerb Stomper hits to a big pop!)
Jillian: And the opponent, weighing 285 pounds, Raw Impact!
Poacher: Well, I gotta admit, I am definetly digging Raw Impact’s new theme song.
King: Absolutely. It’s the remix of the song Methodical and it’s by the band Kerbstomper! And you can check them out online at www.kerbstomper.cjb.net!
DING DING DING!
And this match is under-way! Raw Impact pounds the hell out of Insane Gary Lang! He then goes for a collar and elbow-tie up but Lang throws him back and he knocks the referee down! Impact nails a big boot on Lang and then looks around cautiously! Obviously with good reason as RKO tries to nail him with the Woman’s Title! Impact DDT’s her! Da Gangsta runs at him! Back Body Drop! Cena 54 now looking for the FU but Impact gets down and nails a German Suplex! German on Gangsta! German on RKO! German on Lang! And a second! And a third! Amazing! Impact signals for the headbutt but Cena tries to go for a Superplex! He hits it! Cena helps Lang up! Lang to the top looking for a Flying Lariat! Impact grabs the top rope and Lang sacks himself! Cena 54 tries to hit Impact with a chair but he boots it into his face! Impact has Lang now! No! EXTREME AVALANCHE MUSCLE BUSTER! GOOD GOD! AND NOW HE’S GOT THE CHOKE SLEEPER CLUTCH LOCKED IN! LANG TAPS! LANG TAPS!
DING DING DING!
HERE IS YOUR WINNER, RAW IMPA….
TM: WHAT THE HELL? NEW YORK’S MOST WANTED JUST CAME OUT OF THE CROWD AND NAILED IMPACT WITH A CHAIR! G-Unit now collectively stomping away on Impact! DAMMIT! SOMEBODY’S GOTTA STOP THIS!
(Lights go out!)
TM: What the hell? Did we lose power!
TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!
TM: WHAT THE HELL???
TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!
MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(Motorhead’s The Game plays to a mixed reaction with mostly cheers as Compton’s Most Wanted runs to the ring and begins pounding the hell out of G-Unit!)
TM: OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL? COMPTON’S MOST WANTED IS BEATING THE HELL OUT OF G-UNIT!
(Compton helps Impact up and shakes his hand. Impact rolls out of the ring and walks off confused. Compton salutes the crowd as we head to the back.)
(We see Mike Becker walking towards his car. On the way, he bumps into Eric Carsons.)
Eric: Mike! I thought you left already!
Mike: You’re damn right I did. But I came back to talk to Charles Kennedy.
Eric: What for?
Mike: Well let’s put it this way. Just to make sure Ackerman’s little buddy West Coast Wonder doesn’t try to interfere, Charles Kennedy said that if ANYONE tries to interfere in the Main Event, they will be FIRED!
(Eric looks confused as Becker heads off.)
(Suddenly out of nowhere, a truck comes and nails Becker and he bounces off the windshield!)
Eric Carsons: (Frantically) OH MY GOD! GET HELP! WE NEED HELP OUT HERE!
(Several EMT”s rush out as the truck speeds off! We zoom in on a bloody Mike Becker as we fade to black!)
(The WNC logo appears and the Beadown video plays as System of A Down’s Revenga plays.)
(The Pyro goes off and we go live inside the jam-packed Bell Centre in Montreal, Quebec, Canada.)
Tim Moss: Good evening, ladies and Gentleman, we welcome you live to the jam-packed Bell Centre in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. And we are just 13 days from Wrestling Spectacle!
Poacher: Well, you’re right TM. These fans are pumped up here, although I don’t understand a damn thing that they’re saying.
King: But these Canadian girls are hot!
Poacher: Well, I agree with you there.
(Born In the Usa by Bruce Springsteen hits to a mixed reaction.)
Jillian Marcia: Ladies and Gentleman. Would you please welcome the chairman of World Net Championship wrestling, Charles Kennedy!
(Charles Kennedy comes to the ring, holding a sash of some kind.)
Charles Kennedy: Yeah! I’m here in Canada, eh!
(Some laughter. A few cheers.)
Charles Kennedy: Well, ladies and Gentleman. The WNC Wrestling Spectacle is 13 days away! As for the contents of this sack, I’ll get to that in a minute. But right now I am here to announce a VERY special guest who will appear at the Hall of Fame/Awards ceremony. As you know two bands; Nickelback and Anthrax will be performing. However, joining Anthrax on stage for the first time in almost a decade will be…..
MAKE SOME NOISE!
X-PAC!
THINK YOU CAN TELL US WHAT TO DO?
THINK YOU CAN TELL US WHAT TO WEAR?
THINK YOU’RE BETTER?
WELL, YOU BETTER GET READY TO BOW TO THE MASTERS!
BREAK IT DOWN!
(Wanna Be A Balla by Lil Troy kicks in to mostly boos.)
X-Pac 360: Yo, Yo! Mr. C.E.O! Everybody knows! What you’ve got in the bag, ho!
Charles Kennedy: Did you just call me a ho? YOU SON OF A BITCH, I OUGHT TO FIRE YOUR ASS! But before I can do that, you must answer one question. WHO IN THE HELL ARE YOU?
?? (Big Pop!)
X-Pac 360: (Shocked.) I’m X-Pac 360, Bitch!
Charles Kennedy: I DON’T GIVE A RAT’S ASS WHO YOU ARE!
(Another big pop!)
X-Pac 360: Don’t make me tell Mr. Trashcan to kick your ass!
Charles Kennedy: SHUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!
(Big pop!)
Charles: Now, since you’re out here. Yes, that IS a brand new WNC Cruiserweight Title inside the sack! And yes I WAS planning on presenting it here tonight! However, I was NOT going to give it to you!
(Big pop!)
Charles: Ladies and Gentleman, please welcome, BOB!
King: WHAT THE HELL?
(Theme from Austin Power’s hits.)
Poacher: Recount! I demand a recount!
King: There’s no counting involved Poacher.
(Bob gets in the ring and grabs the microphone from Charles Kennedy and salutes the crowd.)
Bob: Everybody say hello to your new Cruiserweight Champion, me B…..
(Charles snatches the back.)
Charles: What the hell? Give me THAT! Dammnit! Did I say you could take that?
(Bob shakes his head, No.)
Charles: Then why the hell did you take it?
(Bob shrugs and gives a sad puppy dog face as the crowd laughs.)
Charles: You know what? I was gonna just give you the title! But on seconds thoughts! I’m gonna make a tournament! So right now, in the first sem-final it’s gonna be Bob vs. X-Pac 360! Get me a damn referee!
TM: Well I guess we’re gonna have an impromptu match.
DING DING DING!
X-Pac 360 sneaks up behind Bob and nails the X-Factor! He covers but the ref is still on his way down! The ref gets in the ring and counts! One! Two! Three!
DING DING DING!
Here is your winner, X-Pac 360!
Poacher: What a great champion, X-Pac 360 would make!
TM: Great champion, my ass.
(Backstage we see Kid Omen and Dimes taping their wrists.)
Kid Omen: Good luck in your match agaisnt Dead Man tonight.
Dimes: Yeah. Have fun kicking the crap out of that Jap idiot Kevin Sane and winning the tournament.
(Just then, Raw Impact walks by.)
Raw Impact: Woah, woah, woah. What did you just say? First of all, Kevin Sane’s not even Japanese. He’s from Las Vegas. And secondly, even if you do beat him, there ain’t no way you’re gonna win the tournament! After I kick the hell out of Insane Gary Lang next week, I’m gonna win this thing. And if you think otherwise, prepare for an Impact! Better yet, prepare for a BEATDOWN!
(We move to a corridor and see Charles Kennedy walking through. Big Smoke approaches him.)
Big Smoke: Sir, I heard you’re doing a Cruiserweight Tournament tonight. Can I be in on it?
Charles Kennedy: Sure, I don’t see why not.
(Buzzed Bunny walks up also.)
Buzzed Bunny: What about me?
(Charles looks over Buzzed Bunny rather confused.)
Charles: Bunny, aren’t you like 450 pounds?
Bunny: Yeah, so?
Charles: This IS a Cruiserweight Title. You do know that, right?
Bunny: Yeah, so?
(Crowd laughs.)
Charles: What the hell are you on?
Bunny: Well, actually I’m on, mari….
Charles: Don’t answer that.
(He walks away and then stops and looks around.)
Charles: You guys are damn lucky we don’t have a drug policy in the WNC. Now get out of my face.
(Charles turns around and almost takes out Cena 54. Cena starts shoving back.)
Cena 54: What the hell you doing, man. You think you can get away with this shi……(Looks up and see’s it’s the C.E.O. and gulps.) I mean, uh, sorry, Mr. Kennedy, sir.
Charles: Apology accepted. Um, if you don’t mind me asking. How much do you weigh?
Cena 54: Woah, woah, sir. I know I have a great body. But, no I don’t do steroids.
(Charles looks over him puzzled as the crowd laughs, knowing there is NO way he’s on steroids.)
Charles: Well, that’s not why I wondered. I was wondering if you weighed less than 215 pounds.
Cena54: Actualy, I weigh 215 pounds exactly.
Charles: Oh? Well, how would you like to face the Buzzed Bunny for the Cruiserweight tournament tonight?
Cena 54: Buzzed Bunny? Isn’t he 450 pounds?
Charles: No, that’s Buzzed….Yeah, you’re right. I meant Big Smoke. It’s impossible to tell those two apart.
(Crowd laughs.)
Cena 54: Sure, I could use a title to prove to the WNC fans how good I am.
Charles: Riight.
(Crowd laughs again.)
(We go backstage and Kevin Sane is lacing up his boots.)
TM: Well folks, up next. Kid Omen goes one on one with the Noticeable Kevin Sane!
(Sane gets up and heads to the ring as we head to commercial.)
(We come back from commercial and Jillian Marcia is in the ring.)
DING DING DING!
Jillian: Ladies and Gentleman, the following is a Semi-Finals match scheduled for one fall.
(Sold Me by Seether hits to mostly heat.)
Jillian: Introducing first, from Saint Kitt’s and Nevis, weighing 170 pounds, The Saint Kid Omen.
TM: Well folks, some of our more alert viewers may have noticed that Jillian Marcia mistakingly claimed Kid Omen weighed in at only 115 pounds last week. We’re not sure what came over her, but we’re willing to overlook her momentary lapse in judgement.
King: Yeah. How could you possibly fire someone with an ass like that?
TM: Why did I guess that T&A would come up in there somewhere?
King: You know me, TM.
TM: (Mutters.) Not as well as all your ex wives.
King: What?
TM: Nothing.
(Nightmare of Eden by H.I.M. hits to a decent pop.)
And the opponent, from Las Vegas, Nevada. He weighs in at 240 pounds. This is the Noticeable, Kevin Sane!
TM: A great ovation here for the young rookie who made his triumphant return to in-ring action just last week after being sidelined with an ankle injury.
DING DING DING!
And this match is under-way. Kevin Sane with a big time arm drag to start off. He then nails a nice Overhead Suplex! Sane up top now! Looking for a Flying Lariat! Ow! I’m not sure he got all of that! Sane now to his feet but his ankle gives way. Oh, no! His ankle may have been re-injured on that Flying Lariat. Omen from behind with a roll-up! He’s got the tights! One! Two! Three!
DING DING DING!
Here is your winner, Kid Omen!
(Omen celebrates his victory as the referee calls for a trainer to check on Sane. We head backstage.)
(We see Countdown inside his dressing room lacing up his boots. There is a knock at the door.)
Countdown: Come in.
(Jamie Hudson walks in and Countdown stands up.)
Jamie: I just wanted to wish you good luck on your show’s world premier tonight.
(She then wraps her arms around him and they make out!)
(We then move to the G-Unit locker room and Gary Lang is in the room preparing for match. RKO looks over at Gangsta.)
Gangsta: Look, RKO. After what happened to New York’s Most Wanted last week. I figured we can’t be too careful. I’m gonna come with you to ringside for your match tonight. Okay?
RKO: Sure, sounds good, bro.
(We see Scott Man walking towards the ring as we head to commercial.)
(We come back from commercial and there are two chairs in the ring and a big Plasma screen is hanging from the roof.)
(Suddenly, the lights go out and the countdown begins. When the stopwatch hits zero, big pyro goes off and Saliva’s I Want You kicks in!)
Jillian Marcia: Ladies and gentleman, please welcome Countdown!
(Countdown get in the ring.)
Countdown: Welcome to WNC BeatDown! And Welcome to the first-ever Counterstrike!
(Crowd gives a mixed reaction.)
Countdown: Ladies and Gentleman. My guest tonight is the Ass Clown of ALL Ass Clowns. He is a former ECWF Tag Team Champion. Thanks to me, of course. And if not for me, this man would be a drunken, fat slob! Which is funny, cuz that seems to be the kind of person he prefers to hang out with!
(Crowd gives a mixed reaction. One or two people boo loudly.)
Countdown: Oh, what’s this? There’s some ECWF fans in the house. (Big pop!) So you know I’m talking about that Fat Lard Buck the Sports Guy!
(Mixture of cheers and boo’s from without the arena as it seems the majority of the fans know who Buck the Sports Guy is just can’t seem to make up their mind whether or not they like him.)
Countdown: But, Scott Man. You’re no better. Let me tell you this, your attitude, young man. It leaves a taste in my mouth so sour, it’s worse than drinking Canadian beer!
(Big heat!)
Countdown: Oh, I’m sorry. God, you people act like I just insulted your religion. Oh wait a minute I did!
(Crowd boo’s more but several audience members laugh.)
Countdown: That’s right, cuz you guys are nothing better than a bunch of overweight, beer drinking, lazy ass slobs!
(System of A Down’s Old School Hollywood hits to a HUGE pop!)
(Scott Man gets in the ring and stares at Countdown as he salutes the crowd.)
Countdown (Waiting for the crowd to die down.): Hey Ass Clown! I didn’t invite you out here ye……
Scott Man: SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH, COUNTDOWN!
(Crowd cheers loudly.)
Scott Man: First of all, if I were you I wouldn’t be focused on insulting these people, I’d be focused on what I’m gonna do to you inside that Sadistic Elimination Chamber!
(Crowd pops again!)
Scott Man: And secondly, why the HELL are you out here calling Canadian’s alocholics?
(Crowd pops momentarily.)
Scott Man: Everyone know’s their beer tastes like water anyways.
(Big heat!)
Scott Man: I’m kidding. But seriously Count Clown. If you think that by coming up with stupid little one-liners is gonna make you be the champion. Then you’re dead wrong!
Countdown: Oh really? Well, that’s funny. Seeing as how you know I’m a damn better wrestler than you are.
Scott Man: Ha! What the hell are you trying to do? Compare Bret Hart to Hulk Hogan? Everybody know’s the Time Freeze is the easiest move in the books!
Countdown: Oh, I’m sorry if I couldn’t live up to the sheer originality of the S-5! Everyone know’s when it comes to wrestling, I’m a machine! Hell, I am the King of the WNC!
DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING!
(Longhorn hits to big heat as Wrestling God comes down to the ring.)
WG: Are you ladies done arguing yet? You see Countdown, I heard you calling yourself a King. Well, son. You may be a King. But you ain’t got nothing on a Wrestling God!
Scott Man: Oh no. What are you gonna do? Hit me with a clothesline!
Countdown: Oh that was just hilarious! WG why don’t you stick to beating up midgets in the Juniors Division.
Scott Man: That was actually kinda funny.
Countdown: Yeah that was pretty funny, wasn’t it?
WG: You two babies shut the hell up! I will not be disrespected! As much as I love kicking that midget West Coast Wonder’s ass, I can beat anyone! Hell, it don’t matter how big anyone is!
(Six Feet Under’s My Hatred hits to a massive pop!)
TM: Well, how’s that for big?
(Bunyan gets in the ring and grabs the microphone.)
Bunyan: Look at me damn it! I’m 500 pounds! I’ll step on all three of you and win the damn match!
WG: Yeah, I see you, you fat basta…..
(Alone by Sanctus Real hits to a massive ovation!)
Poacher: Can someone PLEASE let the Wrestling God get a word in here?
King: Can someone please let Countdown get a word in. This is his show.
Poacher: Oh, we’re still in the Counterstrike?
WCW: You four can bitch and complain, all you want. But the fact is, I am the Champion! And that means I have the advantage of being the final man to enter the Elimination Chamber. So if any of you think you can beat me. Meet me in the ring at Wrestling Spectacle! And we’ll see how “big” you really are!
(Alone by Sanctus Real plays again as WCW shows his belt off to the audience.)
(We head backstage and Ally Rogers is backstage punching a punching bag as Dead Man walks in.)
Dead Man: Sup, Ally. How’s it going? You ready to be the new woman’s champion.
Ally Rogers: You’re damn right I am. And I hope you kick the crap out of Dimes tonight.
(The two embrace as we head to commercial.)
(We come back from commercial just as Burn In My Light by Mercyful Fate hits.)
DING DING DING!
Jillian: Ladies and Gentleman, the following first fall to a finish match is for the WNC Woman’s Championship. Introducing first the champion, being accompanied by Da Gangsta, RKO Sledge Angel.
(Mr. Brightside by the Killers hits to a decent reaction.
And her opponent, Ally Rogers!
DING DING DING!
The two girls duke it out. Ally Rogers comes off the ropes with a Flying Crossbody! She goes off the ropes again looking for a Running Elbow Drop but Gangsta grabs her leg! The referee yells at Gangsta and ejects him! RKO takes advantage and hooks in the Pedigree! But Ally back Body Drops out of it! WAIT A MINUTE! What the hell? Oh no! Bad Gurl came from the crowd! She’s wearing a mask to protect her broken nose! NO! SHE JUST NAILED ALLY ROGERS WITH A KENDO STICK! WHAT THE HELL? RKO goes for the cover as the referee gets back in the ring! ONE! TWO! THREE!
DING DING DING!
NO DAMMIT! RKO STEALS ANOTHER ONE!
(We head backstage and see Mike Becker in suit and tie heading towards the ring as the crowd boo. He passes by several WNC superstars including Jesse, Ty Langston, Big Smoke, Buzzed Bunny, Eddie G, X-Pac 360, Dimes and Metal God. All of them stare at him, obviously dissapointed in his actions last week.)
TM: Well folks, coming up next. Mike Becker had better have a damn good explanation for what he did to Matt Ackerman last week!
(We head to commercial.)
(We come back from commercial just as Nickelback’s Photograph hits to big heat!)
TM: Well folks, here comes the World Heavyweight Champion. Who, in my opinion, deserves an ass kicking after screwing Matt Ackerman and the West Coast Wonder out of their titles last week on BeatDown.
Jillian Marcia: Ladies and Genlteman. Would you please welcome, the WNC World Heavyweight Champion, Mike Becker!
(More heat.)
Becker: SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK!
(Crowd boo’s even louder. Some “asshole” chants start up.)
Becker: All week, everyone’s been asking me the same stupid questions. Why, mike, why? Why did I do it? Why did I crack Ackerman from behind with the belt? It’s quite simple really. Matt Ackerman KNOWS damn well that I can kick his ass!
(Big heat!)
Becker: See, a lot of people think that what I did last week proves that I’m a coward! If I wanted to back out of the match, I could’ve ended his career last week! But I chose not to. See, I want Ackerman 100 %. I didn’t want him to have to defend his tag titles cuz I knew that little pussy would use that as an excuse for me beating his ass.
(Ghost Love Score by Nightwish hits to an Earth-Shattering OVATION!)
(Matt Ackerman walks out in a suit and tie and begins taking off his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. Becker does the same and motions Ackerman to come after him. Ackerman begins to run but just then Becker hops over the ropes and takes off through the crowd! Ackerman takes off after him as we head to commercial.)
(We come back from commercial and Ackerman is backstage in the parking lot.)
NNN: Come on Becker, you son of a bitch! Come out here and face me like a man!
(Suddenly, a vehicle’s engine is heard in the background.)
(West Coast Wonder runs up and pushes Matt out of the way just as a Truck speeds through the parking lot!)
TM: My God! WCW came out of nowhere! And thank God! I think Becker just tried to run Ackerman over!
(Ackerman mouths “thanks” at WCW as we head backstage.)
(Big Smoke and Buzzed Bunny are in their dressing room doing Jumping Jacks. Bunny is sweating a lot.)
Bunny: Man, do we HAVE to do this.
Big Smoke: Look, Bunny. Do you want to be a Cruiserweight Champion or not?
Bunny: Well, yeah but……
Big Smoke: No buts. You’ve got to lose weight, my friend.
(A knock at the door.)
Big Smoke: Come in!
(Agent Jerry Hall walks in.)
Bunny: Oh hey Jer!
Big Smoke: Don’t worry Mr. Hall, I know my match with Cena 54 is up next. I’ll be right out.
Jerry Hall: Actually I was wondering, do you guys have any, uh stuff?
Bunny: Sure, what are you looking for.
Jerry: Well you know that um….(He notices the camera.) What the hell? Get that camera man out of here!
(Bunny runs at the cameraman. The camera then falls to the floor and we see the legs of the camera man run out of the room. Bunny picks up the camera and starts making funny faces into it as we head to the GM’s office.)
(We see Charles Kennedy on the phone. Senior Referee Perry Hughes is sat down on the couch.)
Charles: (On the phone.) Yes. Saturday? Sure, that sounds great. Yeah, we’ll come check it out then. No problem. Thanks.
(He hangs up.)
Charles: (To Perry.) That was the Manager of the Home Depot down in Manhattan. He says we can come check out the store on Saturday.
Perry: Cool.
(Suddenly Matt Ackerman barges in.)
Matt: Hey! Did you see what that low life bastard Mike Becker tried to do to me! He tried to kill me! That pussy keeps running away from me!
Charles: Calm down! Next week, live in that very ring it’s gonna be the contract signing for Mike Becker vs. Matt Ackerman. Oh, and if Mike Becker doesn’t show up. He will be STRIPPED OF THE TITLE!
(We see Countdown standing outside of the GM’s office smiling and nodding his head as we head to commercial.)
(We come back from commercial and Don’t Wanna F—k With Us by John Cena is playing.)
DING DING DING!
Jillian Marcia: Ladies and Gentleman the following is a Semi-Finals match for the Cruiserweight Championship. In the ring, weighing 215 pounds, from Boston, MA, Cena 54!
(Lights dim and smoke pours out of the stage as Big Smoke comes from under the stage on a platform. Snoop Dogg’s Ain’t Nuthing But a G Thang hits to a decent pop.)
And the opponent, from Glenview, Illinois, weighing 160 pounds, The Crack Daddy, Big Smoke Ernie Larois!
Cena 54 tries to nail Big Smoke with brass knucks before the referee rings the bell but Big Smoke ducks and nails him with the bag of drugs her carries!
DING DING DING!
Big Smoke gets the cover! One! Two! Three!
DING DING DING!
Here is your winner, Big Smoke!
TM: Well folks, Big Smoke advances by hook or crook and he will face X-Pac 360 next week!
(Big Smoke continues to dance as Wherever I May Roam by Metallica plays. Big Smoke realizes his time is up and reluctantly leaves the ring.)
DING DING DING!
Ladies and Gentleman, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Death Valley, the Dead Man!
(Grillz by Nelly featuring Paul Wall hits to mostly heat.)
And the opponent, from New York City, weighing 220 pounds, Dimes!
DING DING DING!
Dead Man charges with a clothesline but Dimes ducks and nails a Standing Dropkick! He then signals for the tombstone? What the hell? OH MY GOD! HE’S GOT DEAD MAN UP! BUT HE FLIPPED IT! TOMBSTONE FROM THE DEAD MAN! ONE! TWO! THRE… WHAT THE HELL? Dead Man lifted up Dimes shoulder! Dead Man sets Dimes on the top rope! SUPER DEATH DROP! ONE! TWO! THREE!
DING DING DING!
HERE IS YOUR WINNER, THE DEAD MAN!
TM: Well, folks. Coming up next! It’s Main Event time as Raw Impact takes on Insane Gary Lang in Semi-Final action!
(We see split-screen images of Raw Impact and Insane Gary Lang heading to the ring as we head to commercial.)
(We come back from commercial just as Madhouse by Anthrax hits.)
DING DING DING!
Jillian: Ladies and Gentleman the following Semi-Finals match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from the Asylum, weighing 290 pounds. He is one half of the WNC Tag Team Champions, Insane Gary Lang!
TM: And folks we’ve just been informed of the announcement Charles Kennedy had intended on making earlier tonight. At the WNC Hall of Fame Cermonies, Antrhax will be joined on stage by the legendary Chuck D of Public Enemy to perform “Bring the Noize”.
Poacher: And once again, we’d like to remind you to check out Anthrax’s new CD/DVD package Antrhology: No Hit Wonders. It features the bands best songs and music videos between 1985 and 1991.
King: And let’s not forget Anthrax will perform at the WNC’s Wrestling Spectacle! Where just announced during the commercial break, RKO Sledge Angel who is out here with Gary Lang will defend her Woman’s Title in a Fatal Four Way match against Ally Rogers, Bad Gurl AND Jamie Hudson!
TM: Plus as announced last week a Fatal Four Way Tag Elimnination Match featuring Lang & Gangsta taking on the Buzzed Bunny and Big Smoke, Kid Omen and Dimes AND The Dead Man and Raw Impact. However, IF Raw Impact or Kid Omen win the tournament to become the sixth member in the Elimination Chamber match for the WNC Pure title, then their partner will pick a new partner of their choice.
(Methodical-Remix by Kerb Stomper hits to a big pop!)
Jillian: And the opponent, weighing 285 pounds, Raw Impact!
Poacher: Well, I gotta admit, I am definetly digging Raw Impact’s new theme song.
King: Absolutely. It’s the remix of the song Methodical and it’s by the band Kerbstomper! And you can check them out online at www.kerbstomper.cjb.net!
DING DING DING!
And this match is under-way! Raw Impact pounds the hell out of Insane Gary Lang! He then goes for a collar and elbow-tie up but Lang throws him back and he knocks the referee down! Impact nails a big boot on Lang and then looks around cautiously! Obviously with good reason as RKO tries to nail him with the Woman’s Title! Impact DDT’s her! Da Gangsta runs at him! Back Body Drop! Cena 54 now looking for the FU but Impact gets down and nails a German Suplex! German on Gangsta! German on RKO! German on Lang! And a second! And a third! Amazing! Impact signals for the headbutt but Cena tries to go for a Superplex! He hits it! Cena helps Lang up! Lang to the top looking for a Flying Lariat! Impact grabs the top rope and Lang sacks himself! Cena 54 tries to hit Impact with a chair but he boots it into his face! Impact has Lang now! No! EXTREME AVALANCHE MUSCLE BUSTER! GOOD GOD! AND NOW HE’S GOT THE CHOKE SLEEPER CLUTCH LOCKED IN! LANG TAPS! LANG TAPS!
DING DING DING!
HERE IS YOUR WINNER, RAW IMPA….
TM: WHAT THE HELL? NEW YORK’S MOST WANTED JUST CAME OUT OF THE CROWD AND NAILED IMPACT WITH A CHAIR! G-Unit now collectively stomping away on Impact! DAMMIT! SOMEBODY’S GOTTA STOP THIS!
(Lights go out!)
TM: What the hell? Did we lose power!
TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!
TM: WHAT THE HELL?
?? TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!
MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(Motorhead’s The Game plays to a mixed reaction with mostly cheers as Compton’s Most Wanted runs to the ring and begins pounding the hell out of G-Unit!)
TM: OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL? COMPTON’S MOST WANTED IS BEATING THE HELL OUT OF G-UNIT!
(Compton helps Impact up and shakes his hand. Impact rolls out of the ring and walks off confused. Compton salutes the crowd as we head to the back.)
(We see Mike Becker walking towards his car. On the way, he bumps into Eric Carsons.)
Eric: Mike! I thought you left already!
Mike: You’re damn right I did. But I came back to talk to Charles Kennedy.
Eric: What for?
Mike: Well let’s put it this way. Just to make sure Ackerman’s little buddy West Coast Wonder doesn’t try to interfere, Charles Kennedy said that if ANYONE tries to interfere in the Main Event, they will be FIRED!
(Eric looks confused as Becker heads off.)
(Suddenly out of nowhere, a truck comes and nails Becker and he bounces off the windshield!)
Eric Carsons: (Frantically) OH MY GOD! GET HELP! WE NEED HELP OUT HERE!
(Several EMT”s rush out as the truck speeds off! We zoom in on a bloody Mike Becker as we fade to black!)